Intimacy Anorexia

Dear Human
"You’ve got it all wrong. 
You didn’t come here to master unconditional love. 
That is where you came from and where you’ll return. 
You came here to learn
personal love. 
Universal love. Messy love. Sweaty love. 
Crazy love. Broken love. 
Whole love. 
Infused with divinity. 
Lived through the grace of stumbling. 
Demonstrated through the beauty of … messing up. Often. 
You didn’t come here to be perfect. You already are. 
You came here to be gorgeously human. Flawed and fabulous. 
And then to rise again into remembering. 
But unconditional love? 
Stop telling that story. 
Love, in truth, doesn’t need ANY other adjectives. 
It doesn’t require modifiers. 
It doesn’t require the condition 
of perfection. 
It only asks that you show up. And do your best. 
That you stay present and 
feel fully. 
That you shine and fly and laugh and cry 
and hurt and heal and fall and get back up 
and play and work and live and die as YOU. 
It’s enough. It’s Plenty."
Courtney Walsh
Intimacy anorexia is the active withholding of sexual, emotional and spiritual intimacy. For instance, sexual promiscuity may actually hide an avoidance of intimacy (sexual and otherwise) as captured in this quote: “Sex addiction isn’t really about sex … it’s about avoiding intimacy with the ones you love while making connections with strangers you perceive to be safe.”  

Likewise, withholding emotional intimacy says that regardless of how much of my heart I can access and give to you, I will not share my emotional or authentic self with you.  

Some of the relative questions that indicate a problem with intimacy anorexia are as follows:
  • Do you go for long periods of time without being involved in a sexual relationship?
  • Although in a relationship, do you avoid sexual or emotional closeness?
  • Do you habitually panic and push people away when they start getting too close?
  • Do you feel uncomfortable when offered nurturing, affection, or love?
  • Do you feel a dread of sexual pleasure and persistent fear of sexual contact?
  • Do you obsess about and/or avoid sexual matters?
  • Do you experience extreme self-doubt and shame about sexual adequacy?
  • Do you have excessive fear and preoccupation with sexual diseases?
  • Do you maintain a secret life because of an inability to share (about) yourself?
  • In your relationships, do you feel smothered and the need to escape?
  • Do you struggle to know what you feel and need?
Intimacy anorexia is frequently overlooked and misunderstood, thus preventing relationship healing. To better understand this hidden dis-ease and begin the recovery process, I invite you to give me a call me at (650) 380-0526 to schedule an appointment, or fill out the contact form below and click Send. I look forward to hearing from you.
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